Chapter Twenty One

They arrived back the monastery late the next morning. Brother Larry came out to greet them as soon as they arrived.

“See? We were back within forty eight hours. No sweat!” Hep said.

“I’m very relieved to see you all. Hello Brother Stuart, hello Robert, I’m glad to see you are both unharmed,” Brother Larry said.

“Hey, what about us?” Scroat said.

“I kind of figured you’d come back unscathed,” Brother Larry said.

“Well, a little politeness never fucking hurt anyone,” Scroat said. “We did save them from a bunch of surly twenty year olds, after all.”

Brother Larry ignored him. He noticed the scratches on the van. “What happened there?”

“The Society of the Seven Seals keyed your van, sorry to say,” Hep said.

“I hope our insurance will cover that.”

“Don’t worry, it’ll buff right out,” Scroat said.

“Really?” Brother Larry said.

“No.”

“Well, come inside, we’ll fix you up with something to eat, and I imagine you’ll all need to rest for a while.”

He led them inside, and took the four of them directly to the kitchen. He pointed out the breadbox and the toaster, and retrieved a institutional sized jar of peanut butter from a cupboard, and strawberry jelly from the refrigerator.

“This should hold you over for a while.”

“We risk our necks to save these two assholes, and our reward is fucking peanut butter toast?” Scroat said. “That’s just bullshit.”

“We’re a monastery. I’m sorry to tell you we’re hardly rolling in money for rewards and fancy food.”

“Fine, fine,” Scroat said.

After they had eaten, Brother Larry led them back to the room they had been staying in, and opened the room next door for Robert and Brother Stuart.

“Sleep well,” Brother Larry said. “I imagine you’ll need it.”

“Thanks,” Hep said. “Goodnight, you two,” he said to Robert and Brother Larry. He and Scroat went into their room and collapsed on to their beds.

“I’ve had it with this monk shit, Hep. We need to get the fuck out of here before I loose my fucking mind,” Scroat said.

“Yeah, it’s time to move on, I think,” Hep said. “Let’s see if they can get any information about where Inktomi is currently hanging out, and go track him down.”

“Groovy,” Scroat said. They stopped talking then, and a few minutes were deeply asleep.


It seemed like they had only been asleep for a few minutes, but the monk who’d come to wake them for dinner said it was six o’clock. They went to the dining hall with Robert and Brother Stuart. There were seats reserved for all of them at the table with Brother Larry.

“You’re in luck,” Brother Larry said. “Tonight is spaghetti night. Brother Philip makes a mean garlic toast.”

“Great, I’m starving,” Hep said. Scroat seemed less impressed.

They ate, and it turned out that Brother Philip really did make a hell of a good garlic toast. The spaghetti was less spectacular, however. The sauce tasted like it came from a can, and Hep assumed that it actually did. He was incorrect, however. Brother Philip just hadn’t figured out how to make marinara sauce yet.

“So, I was wondering if you might be able to do us a favor,” Hep said to Brother Larry.

“Well, I guess it depends on the favor,” Brother Larry said.

“Do you think your guys might be able to give us a clue as to where Inktomi is currently living?” Hep said.

“Inktomi? The god? I don’t know how they’d be able to find that,” Brother Larry said.

“Well, you guys were able to find us without much trouble,” Hep said.

Brother Larry sighed, and said, “Yes, but we more or less knew where you were. There are only so many ways you can go East from Bend. On of our brothers there spotted you, and let Brother Aloysius know you were probably going to drive right past him. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have had a clue as to how to find you.”

“OK. But they could try, couldn’t they? Just for me?” Hep said.

Brother Larry thought for a minute, then said “I don’t see what it could hurt. I’ll have one of the start working on it.”

“I bet I could help,” Robert Wheeler said. “I won’t even charge you anything for this one.”

“Oh no, fuck that!” Scroat said. “We’re not relying on information from you. No way.”

“Lighten up, Scroat,” Hep said. “He’s not out to get us.”

“You’re being willfully naive, if you ask me,” Scroat said.

“Well, I’ll see what I can find. You can use the information, or not,” Robert said. He stood up and stepped away from the table. “Excuse me, I’m going to get started right now.”

Scroat sat, fuming. He didn’t eat the rest of his dinner.

Later, back in their room, Hep spread out several maps and tried to find the best route to Minnesota, assuming Inktomi would be back there, someplace. He realized pretty quickly that their route depended entirely on whether Inktomi was in the northern part of the state, or further south. He figured it would be best to go through North Dakota if they didn’t know where Inktomi was, in order to be sure they avoided the Society of the Seven Seals.

“Well, I guess now is as good of a time as any to turn in for the night,” Hep said. “Good night.”

“G’night,” Scroat said. He laid awake for quite a while, torn between excitement over finally being able to leave the monastery, and worry about the trap he was certain Robert was setting for them. Frankly, he just wanted to get home, maybe with a quick visit to Las Vegas. But, of course, he had to find out what had happened to their house, and if Inktomi had been involved. If he was, it wasn’t like Scroat could let that slide.

For his part, Hep was worried about getting to Minnesota without having another scrap with the Society of the Seven Seals, or a run in with Poseidon who, apparently, was still awfully upset.

Eventually, they both slept.



The following morning, they woke up at five o’clock, as usual. At breakfast, one of the monks came over to Hep.

He said, “As best we can figure, Inktomi is probably somewhere in Minnesota.”

Hep resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Some crack researchers. “Thanks,” is what he said though. No need to be rude.

He and Scroat ate their oatmeal, and both were relieved it was the last time for the foreseeable future that they would have to eat the lumpy grey muck. They made idle conversation with Brother Larry about where they planned to go next.

“Well,” Hep said, “I’ve got some friends in Minnesota who will probably be able to help us track down Inktomi. After that, I suppose we’ll just head back to the desert and try to rebuild, or figure something else out.”

“It sounds like quite an adventure,” Brother Larry said. “I’m jealous of how much of the country you two have managed to see.”

Robert Wheeler was conspicuous in his absence at breakfast.

After breakfast they went back to their room to gather what few possessions they had to bring with. They were heading for the front door when Robert Wheeler appeared.

“Hey, good morning, gentlemen,” he said.

“Hey, Robert,” Hep said.

“What the fuck do you want?” Scroat said.

“Well, I don’t mean to keep you long, just wanted to let you know I tried awfully hard to track Inktomi down, and I just couldn’t find a darn thing. I guess he keeps a pretty low profile,” Robert said.

“Well, thanks for trying,” Hep said. He was, honestly, a little disappointed. It meant they were going to have to ride through North Dakota, and then try to track Inktomi down in a big state full of places to hide without anyone noticing you.

Scroat, on the other hand, was entirely relieved. It meant they wouldn’t be trusting Robert to not lead them into a trap of some kind.

“Well, sorry, anyway, and I hope you have a smooth trip.” Robert said. “See you around.”

He turned around and went back down the hallway he’d come from.

“Better not,” Scroat mumbled.

Hep and Scroat walked outside, and got to work strapping the items they didn’t care to carry in their pockets to their bikes. The motors started right up, as usual, and minutes later the two of them were headed as directly East as they could manage. Neither of them really felt like puttering around on small side roads, so they were planning to shoot straight to Interstate 94, which would take them all the way to Minneapolis (and beyond, if they were so inclined). It would be a straight, high speed blast across North Dakota. Assuming everything went smoothly, the would be in Minneapolis by ten o’clock p.m., at the latest.

Of course, the last Hep had heard, Thor was living near Brainerd, and it would probably pay off to visit him. At the very least he’d probably let them crash on his floor, and it was likely he would know where Inktomi could be found, or know someone who might know.

It had been quite a while since he’d seen Thor, and Hep looked forward to seeing his old friend.

It took about two hours for them to reach Interstate 94. The ride, so far, had been pretty but dull. Which was good, in it’s way. The 94 would, of course, be dull as only an interstate can be. Straight and smooth, through the least interesting parts of any state, which is pretty uninteresting when it comes to North Dakota. It wouldn’t be a fun ride, but at least it would be fast.

Hep and Scroat opened their throttles wide, and passed fast moving truck after fast moving truck as though they were standing still. With luck, it would be four straight, boring hours to Fargo, and then a few more hours to Brainerd.